Harry Pothead
by Kashan
Summary: so far there are books one and two up. enjoy.
1. Chapter 1: Sorcerer's Stoned

Chapter 1

Harry Pothead and the Sorcerer's Stoned

One night Albus fuck me in the butt Dumbledore was walking down the street and he got a nasty idea and pulled down his pants and went to the nearest window to show them the goods. After the lady living there had a heart attack he walked away with his trousers still off to go see McGonnigiggle. When he came to Harrys new house he pulled out his sperm collector, which looked a lot like a lighter, and collected his favorite meal. When he collected dem sperms they didn't go into his lighter they went straight to his mouth so he wouldn't go hungry. Once he had all he could eat he shoved the rest in his butt for later.

The sound of cats mating caught his attention.

"McGonnagiggle!~ COME OUT YOU WHORE!" he called.

McGonnagiggle came out from behind the dumpster with her mate on top of her. Albus FMITB Dumbledore could never pass up a chance to fuck! Not even with cats he decided after he got a few moves in there. Hagrid came on all of them so hard the other cat died and McGonnagiggle turned back into her human form, and Albus FMITBD gained twenty pounds from all the giant sperms in his mouth.

"Where is Harry!" asked Dumbledore gaily, as Hagrid pulled Harry out of his massive butthole.

"In my anus!" said Hagrid in a down-syndrome-way.

"We'll leave him here untill his dick grows to proper size!" McGonnagiggle said.

"O NO MY BATT FAWK BUDDIE~~~~~GONE 4 EV !" Hagrid cried.

"ALBUTT, I'm not so sure about this place, THEY DON'T FUCK MAGICALLY LYK USS!" said McGonnagiggle while Hagrid was crying over the loss of Harry's babydick. Dumbledore decided to have a babydick party and circumcise Harry.

**MUCH MUCH LATER...**

"SNIP SNIP! HARRY STOP CRYING UR 4SKINS ALMOST AWFF!11~" screamed Hagrid as his dick melted off and fell on the floor. Suddenly, Harry's 4skin hit the floor and Hagrid made a winter coat out of it while Harry went to live ten years of being fucked in the ass by the Derpys.

~**10 YEARS LATA**~

Harry woke up with his cousin's dick up his ass again.

"Hurry up buttfuck!" Aunt petunia called to Harry, "Nice work Doody" she says as Doody rips Harry's ass in two and Vernon glues it back together.

That day they go to the zoo and Doody's penis gets eaten by a giant snake, and Harry got into a buttfuckin' school.

**~MEANWHILE AT HOGTITS**~

EVERYONE GETS GONORRHEA AND SPEWS ALL OVER HARRY AND RON. DA END! for now...


	2. Chapter 2: Chamber of Sex

Chapter 2: Chamber of Sex

This is just a joke people, DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY.

* * *

One day at Privet Drive Vernon and Petunia were sexing Harry while Dudders watched with his new video camera. They were all high as pulled his fat dick out of Harry's ass and finished off the rest of the ice cream in the fridge then got Dudders' brand new bong out of the secret hiding spot A.K.A. Harry's cupboard, they hid their stash there so if the police ever came Harry would get arrested just like they wanted!

Suddenly a big hairy giant busted through their door and raped Dudley.

"Its time to go back to Hogtits you dumb fuck!" he said to Harry.

"Bye motherfuckers!" Harry said to his stoned foster family, as he ran out the door with Pubicwig up his ass and the trunk in Hagrid's.

As they left the house Hagrid threw him in the motorcycle and drove away with Harry's balls caught in the door the whole way to Diagon Dickway. When they arrived there Ron showed Harry his new Dildo he got for his birthday, this one wasn't a rotted hand-me-down! It was a Nimbus 2000-and-fuck-me, the newest model. Harry had to steal more money out of his college fund to get one! Once Harry met up with Ron, Hagrid left, but not before having an three-way with his two favorite students. Ron took Harry back to the alley way where they would need wheelchairs and the rest of his family was getting high as a fuck.

"HARRY!" Ron's mother said when they arrived in the dark alley.

"We were about to start without you two shits!" Arthur Weasley exclaimed.

They gave Harry the bong first.

"Careful now Harry." said Mrs. Weasley.

"Why do you like Harry better than me!" Ron said as he slit his wrists with Percy's dildo (yes it was that sharp).

"Go hang yourself already you fuck" said Ginny as she braided her pubes.

Ginny was becoming quite the young whore her father thought with pride he saw her snort coke with a hollowed out dildo of Percy's. Percy was coming along nicely too he thought as he watched his son beat his hoes with a leather whip.

"The best pimp of his age!" said their mom with pride.

Just then they were late for the train, so Molly shoved the group up her vag and ran as fast as she could to the station. It was a good thing she had eight kids so she could carry her family around. When they arrived they all fell on the floor and she pulled their shit-stained suitcases out of her ass. The train left so they had to take the car as they pulled away Molly heard several children die under her wheels.

"Music to my ear!" Molly said.

"Don't you mean ears?" said Fred and George at the same time.

"No, I mean ear, I lost the other one when I used it as my third hole in the sixties. Good times, good times!"

Fred and George stopped jacking each other off and got in the car, stepping over the severed heads of Muggle children.

First they lost Arthur when he opened the door and fell out of the car, but it turns out it wasn't Arthur, it was Mr. Paul in disguise! That explains why he was being such a dumbass for the past five minutes. His mom Britney Spears later got thrown in the trunk and shot in the head. Finally they got to Hogtits where they ran over Snape as they pulled up to the gates.

"ALWAYS!" screamed Snape, his last words before Hagrid shanked him.

**Authors note: Shanked means stabbed to death then raped**

**End of book two, I don't know if I'm gonna finish it or not.**


End file.
